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The Australian Pear

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I have been gradually making the transition from Hotmail to Gmail. This involves a great deal of unexpected busy work such as, but not limited to, going through drafts and saved emails, reading old unread emails, copy-pasting contacts, deleting contacts, forwarding my address, writing people had I temporarily forgotten about, etc.
The other day I came across the following.
I thought the anecdote was worth sharing.

From: soandso
Date: Tuesday, July 6, 2004 7:33 PM
To: theseoultrain
Re: the Australian pear

the real question is...did the hot girl then taste YOUR pear?? speaking of which I need some blonde hair out here, so if you see any put it in a bag and ship it over and I can glue it onto some girl's head.

----- Original Message -----
From: mcdonoum
Date: Tue, 06 Jul 2004 18:30:25 -0700
To: wintersd and sutherjo
Subject: the Australian pear

so yeah, ...(boring part omitted)... anyway, i have a funny story for you guys. so i have been living in Chase's basement, spending my time hanging out with chase and his girl friend Miranda. well Miranda's hot friend comes into town- this girl named Elle who played D1 soccer at Wisconsin. anyway, Miranda and chase would go off and do their thing and i would have to keep this girl entertained, which wasn't a big deal since she was hot but it was still quite weird because i didn't know this girl at all. so one evening we decide to make dinner for people coming over to the house. on the way out the door Chase's mom stops us and tells us of this new specialty grocery store that has opened up on the north side of town- i usually go to the store half a block away because i don't quite know my way around the city but this Elle girl insists on going all the way to the north side of town for the grand opening of this store. we get there after i get us lost, but anyway- this part of the story doesn't really matter. so, we walk into this market and it is huge, but it is huge in an organic hippy specialty sort of way. their Asian food section was monstrous, they must have had 40 different brands of instant cook noodles. anyway, we make it to the produce section because we are planning on making a fruit salad and this guy stocking the fruit comes up and starts talking to me and Elle about all the great fruit they have- (he was being overly nice and polite because it was the opening day and all, trying way too hard) he informed us that the best fruit available at this point in the season was such and such a Mellon and this weird maroon pear from Australian. he directs us over to the pear section and stops i n front of the Australian sort and i notice the price sign. $5.36 a pound. in my head i am like- dear god no. i don't have a job and i am not about to pay two bucks a pear but this guy insists that both of us try a pear. i try to be polite and say that we are just going to stick with such and such a fruit but he cuts me off in mid sentence and starts ripping through the mound of maroon pears. the first one he finds is not soft enough so he sets it back on the stack and as he continues to search the original pear rolls off onto the floor. i feel kind of bad because we really have no intention of buying these pears and he just dropped one on the floor. so the second one he finds is ripe and he starts going through his pockets for a knife. cant find one, goes back to his stocking cart and digs though his stuff until he finds one. he walks back over to us. starts cutting this pear but it had a brown spot in it. he decides it is no good. chucks it in the garbage. grabs another one. same thing, he cuts into it, keeps cutting trying to get a piece that has no skin on it and he finds another brown spot he chucks it into the garbage. he starts looking for pear number 4. Elle and i look at each other- trying not to laugh. luckily the fourth pear meets his criteria. he cuts most of the skin off and then slices a piece part of the way off and holds the pear out for Elle. she picks it up, tastes it and says it is quite good. the produce man turns to me and asks me if i would like a try and i say (thinking that he would just cut off another slice of the same pear) "sure". he chucks the good pear he just cut for Elle into the trash can. he is back in the maroon pile of fruit. pear number 5 doesn't meet the criteria and gets tossed into the trash. the next is in great shape. he cuts a piece part of the way off and holds the pear out for me, i reach out to pick the slice off the pear and it slips out of my hands onto the floor. i feel like an idiot. before i can say anything the guy chucks the rest of the pear into the trash and grabs for another. he tells me not to worry as he is cutting into pear 7. i watch him cut hoping that this pear meets his criteria- i restrain a chuckle because of the absurd nature of this interaction, but luckily this pear is of quality. he slices most of the skin off and slices a piece and extends the pear out to me. i reach for it and it slips out of my fingers again. no fucken joke. the piece falls onto the floor again just like the previous and he throws the rest of the pear away. i am definitely blushing now trying to apologize but he insists on finding another pear. pear 8 into the trash- to o soft to the touch. finally pear 9 is fine he cuts into it, slices a piece and i use both hands to ensure the piece makes it to my mouth. i say, "that's a good pear". what else am i going to say? he walks back to his cart to stock more fruit. Elle and i hang around looking at the maroon pears acting like we are going to buy some but we don't of course. i couldn't believe it. 9 pears wasted for a taste test. amazing

anyway, anything new with either of you?


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